


Kilgharrah's Clearing

by sushishin



Series: Camelove 2021: Gillventures [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Crack, Idiots in Love, M/M, Unrequited Love, nobody has any brain cells whatsoever, who on earth thinks kilgharrah is in any way qualified for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29357061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushishin/pseuds/sushishin
Summary: Kilgharrah follows his passion of leading group therapy sessions. He’s not too good at it, but it doesn’t stop everyone showing up to whine about their love lives anyway.(Yes, he is still a dragon in this. Don't question it. None of the knights do.)
Relationships: Cenred/Gilli (Merlin)
Series: Camelove 2021: Gillventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150928
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Camelove 2021





	Kilgharrah's Clearing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Camelove 2021 - Day 3: Wait... What? "It's Wednesday"
> 
> This is late because I was originally planning a Gilli/Cornelius Sigan fic, but I felt sorry for Gilli and thought Cenred would be a better fit. Elkoan suggested Cenred going to therapy... and then the whole thing kinda spun out of control.

Gilli’s going to be late. 

The directions were already vague enough to begin with - _that grassy clearing nearish the castle, it’s the only one big enough for a dragon, honestly, you can’t miss it_ \- but when he’d gotten there, it was empty save for a note hastily tacked to a tree. 

_Kilgharrah’s Clearing is now at Avalon Lake_. 

How the fuck does a clearing _move_ \- and anyway, couldn’t they have told him this earlier? Thankfully, he’s not the only one arriving late. Another man arrives as Gilli finishes reading the note. He’s probably a knight: his leather armour is well worn, and he looks like he knows how to use those two swords strapped to his back. 

“I’m Gilli,” he says, holding a hand out to shake. If they’re both going to be spilling secrets tonight, might as well introduce himself. 

“King Cenred of Essetir.” A smile plays around the corner of his mouth, and he lazily looks Gilli up and down. “But you can call me Cenred.”

Well - okay. Gilli drops his hand. This is fine. King Cenred - _Cenred_ \- has a fierce reputation, sure, but what king doesn’t? He seems friendly enough, and he’s a bit older, but very handsome: tall, sharp features, with shoulder-length hair just the right kind of messy. 

“We should leave,” he says, “Where did you tie up your horse?”

“I don’t have one.” He’s not defensive. Horses are not cheap, and Gilli’s no king.

“Excellent,” says Cenred, and he’s outright grinning now. “You can ride my horse.” 

“Oh.” He resolutely does not blush. “Thank you.” 

The ride is quiet, and it’s distinctly awkward, sitting behind Cenred. _Where does he put his hands?_ He decides tto distract himself by thinking about what he’s going to say: hopefully Kilgharrah can help him get over Merlin. He knows Merlin doesn’t think of him that way, and it really stings, sometimes, remembering how he had been _handled_. He knows Merlin doesn’t think of him that way, but for some reason, he still… hopes. 

“Ugh, _finally_ ,” sighs Cenred. If they squint past the trees, they can see the clear, shimmering lake. Cenred swings off the saddle, leaving Gilli to half-clamber, half-fall off, and ties up his horse. They push through the trees, then come to an abrupt stop. Gilli barely sees everyone else, sitting in a circle at the edge of the lake, because, well. 

On one hand, Gilli had known that Kilgharrah was a dragon. It was part of the draw, see, getting relationship advice from a wise, old being, a creature of the old religion, who was rumoured to see the threads of destiny and the future - 

On the other hand - _DRAGON_.

It’s just sitting there, calm as you please, wearing a pair of gigantic glasses - and wait, what? Who’s out there making glasses for dragons? 

“You are late,” says the dragon. 

Gilli opens his mouth, and finds there’s not much he can say to a creature approximately the size of a mountain. “Er,” he says. “Yes.”

Cenred doesn’t seem phased. “Is this Kilgharrah’s Clearing?” he asks. He doesn’t wait for the dragon to answer, and heads over to sit next to a pale woman with long, dark hair. Her face is oddly familiar, perhaps he’s seen her before, somewhere...

“Sit down, young man,” says Kilgharrah, and Gilli jumps to comply. There’s not much space left to sit in the circle - why are they sitting right on the edge of the lake anyway? The only spot remaining is in between Cenred… and the dragon. Which growls impatiently at Gilli. 

Gilli sits. There’s more people than he’d thought there would be. Across the circle, there’s a fair few knights, and almost right up at the shore of the lake, there’s a dark haired man. He could almost be mistaken for Merlin, actually, and wouldn’t that be a coincidence? The man turns. “ _Gilli?_ ”

Fuck. 

Merlin looks at him, wide eyed, and Gilli probably looks just as shocked. Why didn’t he think that Merlin would be at this sort of thing? How is he going to talk about this, now? He nods in greeting, and manfully decides not to run off into the forest. If things weren’t strange enough, it looks like someone’s head is rising up from the lake. Well, that explains why the location was changed. He tries not to gawk. 

“Welcome to Kilgharrah’s Clearing,” rumbles Kilgharrah, and wow, it’s like his voice echoes _everywhere_ ; it seems to reverberate in Gilli’s head. “This is a safe space for you all to speak of your troubles. Remember, all that is mentioned in this clearing, must remain in this clearing, on pain of death. By fire.” He pauses. “ _My_ fire.” 

Yes, Gilli had rather gotten the point. 

“We have some newcomers, so we shall start with everyone introducing themselves. I am Kilgharrah, the last of the Great Dragons.” Kilgharrah turns his head towards the lake. 

“Hi, I’m Freya,” says the lake woman. Next is Merlin, then some of Camelot’s knights: Lancelot, Percival, Gwaine and Elyan, and his sister Gwen. 

“Morgana,” says the lady sitting next to Cenred, and oh, Gilli has seen her before, hasn’t he, at the tournament at Camelot. Uther’s ward? What troubles could she possibly have?

“King Cenred of Essetir,” says Cenred, and pointedly raises an eyebrow at the knights. Wisely, they don’t say anything. They just glare... which, fair enough. 

“We are equals here in Kilgharrah’s Clearing,” says Kilgharrah sternly, “Except for me. I am above all of you.”

Gilli’s not exactly going to argue with that. “My name’s Gilli.”

“We are acquainted now. And so can begin.” says Kilgharrah. “Lady of the Lake, what troubles you?”

Freya’s head bobs in the water. “It’s lonely, living here, in this lake,” she says. Her voice is quiet, but strangely melodic, and lovely to listen to. “I know I’m dead - ” What? Gilli can accept that she lives in a lake, but how can she be _dead_ , is someone a _necromancer_ \- and to say it so _casually_ \- nobody seems to bat an eye. “He only visits when he needs something from me. Like the - ” She stops, and takes a breath. If she’s dead, why does she breathe like that? “I think he’s moving on,” she whispers. “I don’t know what to do about it.” 

Gilli can’t help but glance at Merlin, who, interestingly, looks extremely uncomfortable, fiddling with his hands, crossing and uncrossing his legs. 

“The first step to let go, is to acknowledge what is lost,” says Kilgharrah. “Take heart. You have an important role to play.”

“So I can’t do anything about it?”

“...No.” Kilgharrah doesn’t sound very sympathetic. How useful is this session going to be, really?

“But I don’t want to be alone…” 

“You are not alone. Everyone else is surrounded by death; but in the Lake of Avalon, you are surrounded by life.” 

That’s one way to put it. She was already dead, wasn’t she?

Freya looks doubtful. “I guess…” 

“That sounds really difficult, Freya,” says Gwen. “I’m sorry.”

Morgana’s voice rings out across the water. “I will visit you.” Everyone turns to look at her. “You deserve company.” She shrugs, and smiles softly at Freya. 

“Very good.” Kilgharrah just sounds bored. “Merlin. You’re next.” 

“Oh. Well, you know me,” Merlin shrugs. 

This is going to be difficult, isn’t it, listening to Merlin talk about being in love with someone else, when Gilli is _just right here_...

“I do,” says Kilgharrah, as if that were a completely normal thing to say. 

“It’s the same thing, really,” says Merlin, then he takes a deep breath, and it all just comes pouring out: “There’s a kni- person, who I really, really, like, but I’m pretty sure they don’t see me the same way. It sucks, because I feel so… safe… around them, like I can really be myself. They see me, all of me, for what I am, they encourage me and support me, and I love them for it. They’re so protective, and loyal, and we have so much fun together. We’re close, but _damn_ , I wished they liked me in a different way. A romantic way! I want more. I wish we were actually sharing my bed, instead of - ” He cuts himself off, chest heaving. 

It’s almost as if Merlin had cut open Gilli’s heart, and was reading from it, and it _hurts_. 

“I’m sure Prince Arthur will come around soon,” says one of the knights, earnestly, patting Merlin on the knee. Merlin turns to face the knight - Lancelot, it was - and his face absolutely crumples. He looks devastated, and Gilli feels for him, he really does.

Lancelot’s face is showing complete panic, and the large knight next to him speaks up quickly. “Merlin, mate, I know exactly how you feel.”

Morgana’s nodding. “Yes, I know the feeling. We were so close, but I feel like she’s slipping away from me.”

“Me too!” The knight tosses his hair with an elegant turn of his head. “The most beautiful woman in the world rebuffed my advances - ”

“Give it a rest, Gwaine, you weren’t exactly all that invested,” scoffed Elyan. 

“You doubt the strength of my feelings?” 

“You had just met her, Gwaine, it wasn’t some star-crossed - ”

“No? And what about you, Sir Elyan?”

“Forgive me if I’m hung up on him, I thought we had a _moment_ ,” says Elyan indignantly. “You should have seen how he looked at me after I defeated Cenred’s men. You would think you had a chance, too. The way he was looking at me, Gwaine: the full once over, but more than once.”

“Alright, alright!”

Kilgharrah seems just about done with them. “Percival,” he interrupts, “You may continue.”

“Right. I left my village and followed him here because he asked me to,” says Percival. He runs his hands through the grass, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “That’s a gesture, right? I don’t think he likes me that way.”

“Gestures!” Gwen laughs. “I kissed them, but I downplayed it. I didn’t mean to, I thought they were dying… but I cannot help but to wish to kiss them again.” She sighs. “I want to move on, but they do not make it easy. They’re just so… funny. I see them every day, and they are very dear to me. I would never want to lose their friendship.” 

“You must focus your affections on another,” says Kilgharrah. “You are not wanting for suitors.”

“Oh, Gwen, you’re a beautiful person,” says Merlin. “I’m sure you could have anybody you wanted!”

“You’ll find someone, Gwen,” says Elyan. 

Lancelot nods fervently. “You’re smart, and kind, and amazing, Gwen,” he says. Gwen ducks her head with a small smile. “I am in the same situation, I think. I’ve been travelling with them for some time, before I was knighted,” says Lancelot. “We’ve spent so much time together, just us two, and I really thought we were going somewhere. But now… I think they’ve pulled back from me. There’s so many people here, why would they want to go with me?”

“Surely you’re joking,” says Morgana. Merlin is looking at Lancelot and Percival in disbelief. 

“What?”

Kilgharrah brings his head in close. “I will tell you what you must do. Tell him of your feelings.”

“Really, you think so?”

“You are not here to question me. You will _do as I say_.” The ground shakes, a little, as if he were only just suppressing a roar. “And you will do it soon. I have no patience for this nonsense.”

Why the dragon is hosting this session, goddess knows. 

The group falls quiet, and Cenred seems to think that it is now his turn to speak. “I just broke up with someone,” he says plainly, “I think she was just using me.”

“You don’t know _anything_ about her,” hisses Morgana. 

“Don’t I?”

“Morgana!” snarls Kilgharrah. “Wait your turn.”

“She was a… powerful… woman,” continues Cenred. “She knew what she wanted. She knew what she wanted from me. I thought we had something. I thought she cared for me, but I realised that whenever she visited, she was always just asking about my army.”

Gilli feels a rush of protective rage. “You deserve someone who cares about you, for yourself,” he says. “Not your crown, or your soldiers.” 

Cenred looks at him, _really looks_ , and he must find something to like, because he grins. “Thank you, Gilli,” he says. 

“Yes, Morgause would have been your downfall,” says Kilgharrah. 

Well, Gilli would not have chosen those exact words, but it’s clear that Morgause was no good for Cenred. He’s gratified to see that Cenred is nodding, even though Morgana looks like she’s about to storm off. 

“Gilli?” says Kilgharrah. 

Oddly, coming here, listening to these people… Gilli thinks he may well be on his way to getting over Merlin. But might as well start talking. “There’s this guy,” he says, “I admire him, really, and we have a lot in common. Well, one thing in common, but it’s important.” After his father died, he was used to being alone; muddling about, fixing all his problems the best he could. Then there was the tournament, and unexpectedly, there was Merlin, who seemed to be so sure of everything and of his place in the world, even though he was constantly hiding himself. 

He can almost feel Merlin’s stare, but he doesn’t look at him. 

“Part of it, I think,” says Gilli, slowly, “Is that he was the first person I’d ever met that was like me. That’s heady, you know?”

Gilli looks up, meets Merlin’s eyes, which look a bit watery. “I think I’ll be alright, though,” he says, reassuringly, and resists the urge to look Cenred’s way. 

There’s a rustle from the trees, then a muffled, “Ow!”

As one, everyone turns to look at the treeline, and, then, of all people, Prince Arthur of Camelot steps out, brandishing a sword. “I command you to stop! This is an illegal magic gathering!” His eyes widen as he takes in the group. Did none of his knights tell him where they were going? 

Then Prince Arthur catches sight of Kilgharrah. 

“Ah.”

Behind him, another knight steps out. “Sir Leon,” says Prince Arthur, “We may require more knights.”

Kilgharrah starts laughing. “Little prince,” he says, “And his first knight. You are welcome to join us.” Gilli supposes that as a dragon, he can afford to be calm about being accused of magic. “We are just about to start the guided meditation portion of the evening.”

No-one had told Gilli about the guided meditation. Though he had heard that Kilgharrah had been trapped underneath Camelot for years… perhaps meditation was how he got through it. 

Prince Arthur and Leon are still hesitating

“Oh, sit down, you idiot,” says Merlin, finally. 

“Close your eyes,” says Kilgharrah. “We are starting with some breathing exercises. Take a deep breath in, counting to seven, _no not literally out loud_ , then hold for seven, then exhale for seven...” 

It’s actually quite relaxing. 

After a few minutes, Kilgharrah rumbles, “Think of a place of calmness. I suggest thinking of Albion, a land where magic has returned, restoring balance to the world.”

Gilli almost laughs himself sick. Magic? Returned? If only. 

“Start with your feet. Wiggle your toes, feel the magic in the dirt, the blades of grass…”

“Hang on,” squawks Prince Arthur. “What magic in the grass _?_ ”

“Hush, child,” says Kilgharrah, which stuns Prince Arthur into silence.

* * *

“Thank you all for attending today’s session,” says Kilgharrah, “Even to our surprise visitors. Please take a biscuit, and remember, this is neutral territory.”

“This is _literally_ part of Camelot,” mumbles Prince Arthur.

“If you wanted to treat Kilgharrah’s Clearing as anything other than neutral territory, you should have brought more than one knight. Not that a whole army would do you any good.”

Gilli looks out across the group - it seems most are heading back the same way, towards the castle. Lancelot and Percival have separated themselves though, and are having an earnest discussion which involves a lot of forearm holding. Morgana's crouched near the edge of the lake, speaking to Freya, while the rest of the knights hover around the biscuits. _Where had those come from, anyway?_

Merlin wanders up to him, holding a biscuit. “Hey.”

“It's good to see you,” says Gilli, and is almost surprised to realise that he means it. "You'll find someone, Merlin. You're special.”

Merlin grins, then tilts his head. “I would say the same, but I think you might have found someone. As... strange... as it seems, to me. I'll see you, Gilli.”

About that. Gilli turns, and sees Cenred sketching an elaborate bow. “Gilli,” he says, “Can I offer you a ride home, Gilli?”

Why not? 

“Alright,” he says. It's not every day one is asked out by a king... and, well, fuck, Cenred's smirk is full of promise. Gilli's really looking forward to where this one goes. 

**Author's Note:**

> And... there it is! Thank you for reading this... thing. Comments are always appreciated :D


End file.
